


It's Been a While

by Kkaepsongiya



Series: This Is Haechan, Signing Off [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Hyuck's a beauty guru lifestyle vlogger or something, M/M, Social Media, Sweet Lee Jeno, Vlogger AU, YouTube, Youtuber AU, it's vague LOLOL, jeno's a good bf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 21:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16689580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kkaepsongiya/pseuds/Kkaepsongiya
Summary: "But now…” his voice cracks now and he bites his lip for a second before continuing, “everything just seemed to fall apart so fast and I couldn’t handle it all."





	It's Been a While

**Author's Note:**

> I love youtuber aus lolol probably making this into a series or something that i'll never finish idk there's a lot of dialogue here and I literally NEVER write dialogue soooo beware lmao YOU ARE VALID!!!!!!!!

**_The video fades in from black._ **

 

Donghyuck sits in front of his camera, a position so usually normal for him, but now he just feels uncomfortable. He feels vulnerable, like his skin’s been peeled back and his insides are on display for the world to say.

He hates feeling like this.

He takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes before attempting a smile and looking at the camera.

“Hey, Sunflowers, it’s been a while since I’ve made a video, huh?” His voice sounds weird, strained, but he keeps going because he knows that if he stops, he’ll never be able to start again. “It feels weird sitting in front of the camera with no makeup on and dressed like this haha…” He tugs awkwardly on the neck of his worn sweatshirt. 

“I’ve taken a break from social media for the past...month? Jeez, yeah, it’s been a whole month since I’ve posted a video or posted on instagram or twitter or snapchat. I got a lot of dms from you guys asking where I was and if I was okay, stuff like that and I really appreciate all the concern, it really means a lot to me. This past month I’ve been really struggling with some things but I think I’m finally ready to talk to you guys about everything.” Donghyuck takes another deep breath, rubbing at his face roughly.

“For most of my life, well, since early high school, I thought of myself as bisexual. It seemed to fit well, I mean, I never really dated any girls or anything but I looked a lot, you know? And being bisexual was easy? My parents weren’t so happy about it but they let it go because I was at least ‘half straight’ which meant that I could still end up marrying a girl and having kids. People at school didn’t really care much because I wasn’t...I wasn’t  _ gay _ , you know? I was still kinda straight so people never bothered me about it. But now…” his voice cracks now and he bites his lip for a second before continuing, “everything just seemed to fall apart so fast and I couldn’t handle it all.

“At the beginning of this month, I met somebody in one of my lectures. This kid, this  _ boy _ , was like...it was like...I don’t know how to word it, but when we met, something in me  _ changed _ , something came to life. It was like there was something inside of me that had been locked away for a long time but meeting him and hanging out with him brought it up to the surface and once I realized what was happening I...I didn’t know what to do.” He’s crying now, not so much sobbing, but his cheeks stay wet no matter how much he wipes them.

“He uh...he asked me out and that was when everything went to hell for me. My whole life...I spent my whole life thinking I was bisexual, accepting that as who I was because it was  _ easy _ to me, it was  _ nothing _ to me but then he came waltzing in and I…” Donghyuck hunches over, face in his hands, shoulders shaking.

 

**_The video cuts to black for a second before coming back._ **

 

Hyuck wipes at his red eyes, sniffling as he settles back into place.

“Sorry, guys, I just had to get that out, I think…” he sniffles again, “I just have to say it, I just have to man up and say it out loud.” His expression changes as he strains to get the words out. “I…” he steels himself and looks up at the camera.

“I’m gay.” 

After he says it, he sits there in silence, face blank. A moment passes before suddenly he’s laughing. 

“I’m  _ gay _ .” He repeats it, looking up into the camera again. He starts crying again, half laughing, half sobbing, running his fingers through his hair. The laughter fades out after a while but the smile remains on his face.

“I’ve never said it out loud but now that I have it just...everything just feels better.” He runs his fingers through his hair again before patting it down. “I think that over the years, I had some sort of internalized homophobia and it really messed with me. I always supported my gay friends but in my head, I convinced myself that as long as  _ I _ wasn’t gay, I was okay. When this boy came around, I started doubting myself.

“Throughout this past month, I’ve been struggling to deal with my own homophobia and accept that I’m gay and there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with me. There’s nothing wrong whether I’m bi or gay. No matter what, I’m a valid person. It took me this month to finally start understanding this and throughout this, this boy, my  _ boyfriend _ , has been by my side helping me. I can’t wait to show him off to you guys because he’s just the sweetest person and he’s always there for me.

“Gosh, this has been one hell of a video,” he laughs lightly, “I guess this is it, you guys. I’m gay and I’m learning to accept myself. Before I go, I just want to let you guys know that you’re valid, no matter what your sexual orientation is. It’s not always easy to accept things for how they are but there’s nothing wrong with you. The people around you will still love you and I’ll always love you.

“Bye, sunflowers, I’ll see you guys soon. This is Haechan, signing off.”

 

**_The video fades to black_.**

 

When the camera is finally turned off, Donghyuck feels as if a weight’s been lifted off his shoulders. He’s kind of dreading having to edit this video and having to watch himself cry but he knows that he’ll feel so good when it’s finished, when he uploads it. He doesn’t usually edit videos immediately after filming but he wants to get this one out as soon as possible, he  _ needs _ to. And so he sits and edits for hours. It doesn’t take as long as usual to edit because he doesn’t want to make this video big and flashy like his usual ones, he wants to keep it serious because it’s serious to him.

He goes on twitter as the video’s processing on youtube, tweeting out a quick “new video going up, it’s been a while, hope you all waited for me [sunflower emoji]”. Within a minute it has hundreds of responses and retweets. He sees a few from his friends--”glad to have you back” “we missed you” “we’ll always wait for you”--and his heart swells. He had hung out with his friends over the month but he’d been distant as he sorted himself out. He wonders what their reaction to his coming out video will be, he can already imagine all the texts and calls he’s going to get once the video goes live. 

Once the video processes, he hits post and closes his laptop.

Within five minutes, his twitter is blowing up with mentions. On instagram, his fan pages are posting screencaps and speculating about his unnamed boyfriend (he giggles at the fact that people seem to think it’s Mark). His phone vibrates multiple times in succession and when he checks it, he sees the groupchat with all his friends is going off. Texts ranging from “Hyuckie!!! I’m so proud of you for coming out! You know we’ll always support you!” to “Hyuck making a comeback by coming out? Ugh, SKINNY” to “WOAH WOAH WOAH...are we just gonna ignore the fact that Hyuck has a bf we don’t know about???????”. He sends back a quick “I love you guys so much, forever and always”. As he’s giggling at the reaction memes being spammed into the chat, someone knocks at his door. It’s 7pm and he’s not expecting anyone so he cautiously opens the door. And freezes.

Jeno’s standing there in that cute tri-coloured hoodie he always wears and black joggers. He’s holding a box of cupcakes in one hand and a bottle of coke in the other. He’s doing that cute thing with his face where his lips curve upwards and his eyes disappear and Hyuck’s heart skips a beat as per usual.

“What are you doing here?” As he asks this, he moves aside to let Jeno in. The boy clumsily takes off his shoes without his hands before stumbling towards Hyuck’s bed, settling down and turning on the tv. Jeno looks over at him, motioning him over and Hyuck can do no more than just go over and sit, Jeno immediately throwing an arm around his shoulders. Jeno says nothing for a little while, loading up netflix and scrolling through the horror movie section. Finally, he starts up Hush and settles closer to Hyuck, opening up the tin of cupcakes and handing the younger one with yellow frosting and a sugar cookie shaped like a leaf on top.

“Well, I was scrolling through youtube and I happened upon this amazing video that’s trending at #3,” he starts and Hyuck can feel his cheeks warming up, pressing his face into Jeno’s shoulder, “and I watched this boy come out and I thought he was the most beautiful and the strongest boy I’d ever seen.” Donghyuck whines, hitting weakly at Jeno’s chest. “And he looked like he needed some cheering up and a kiss or two so here I am!” When Donghyuck looks up, Jeno’s looking right back down at him, and the expression on the older’s face makes his heart race. Jeno leans down to press their lips together and Donghyuck sighs happily into it.

He’ll be okay.


End file.
